Help! Someone I care about it grieving!
First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to help them. Life gets so busy that it can be easy to forget that they are hurting and probably don’t know how to ask for help.
And while every loss is different, here are 7 common things that you can do for any loss that will help. Check out some ideas and resources I created below!
(Pssst! Mother’s Day is May 8th and Father’s Day is June 19th - don’t forget how nice a card can be!)
CLICK HERE for Mother's Day and Father's Day Grief Cards
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CLICK HERE for Mother's Day and Father's Day Grief Cards 〰️
1 - Ask them, “How are you doing TODAY?”
I talk about this and other helpful tips in this short episode of The Healing Half (live show).
I know it sounds simple, but checking in is never a bad idea. If you add “today” to the end of the statement, it gives them an opportunity for an easier answer since it is hard to communicate the many intricacies of grief that they’ve faced since the loss.
Keep in mind that many people say “year 2 is harder than year 1,” so put it on your calendar to check in every few months if you’re close with this person.
If you would like to learn more simple tricks on how to help people in a variety of loss situations, check out my 82 episode library from my live show where I had over 55 guests come onto the show to share what helped them!
2 - Gift cards are always appreciated
If you’re waiting for them to reach out and ask you for something, you’ll be waiting forever.
A gift card to somewhere where they can order take-out, a maid service, or anything else that you think would be beneficial is always appreciated.
If you want, feel free to drop the card off yourself! This will give you a chance to talk to them (if they are in the mood, read the room).
Speaking of cards…
3 - Give the gift of a memory!
I have created several cards that you can send to those hurting on tough days, like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but I also created “Memory Sharing Cards” that are wonderful gifts within themselves.
After I interviewed several parents on the show, I heard a common plea from them: “Please keep sharing the memories you have of my child! I want to not only keep talking about them, but I want to hear the memories that you have!”
New memories stop when someone dies, so the memories you have are the closest thing any griever will get to “new memories.”
I have created 3 designs of these “Memory Cards” that many have said are wonderful gifts. So even if the person they are grieving died a long time ago, memories are always appreciated!
Speaking of cards… I created several Mother’s Day / Father’s Day grief cards you can send to people who have lost parents OR are parents who are grieving. View them HERE.
Here’s an example!
4 - Encourage them to lean into their grief
Grief is very vulnerable. They might open up to you eventually, but many people (like myself for many years!) are very hesitant to open up because they don’t want to get emotional in front of others.
So in addition to encouraging others to talk to their doctor and consider seeing a counselor, I created some resources that you can give as a gift for them to do on their own time.
The first is my workbook called, “My Heart Still Remembers.” It’s an easy, 3 step process that is fill-in-the-blank. It is appropriate for any religion and for people aged 12 and up.
“How much does it cost?”
It is currently priced at $11.99 on Amazon and has free shipping to anyone with an Amazon Prime account.
“I’m interested… how do I learn more?”
If you’re interested in giving this as a gift, you can find info here:
Another great thing to encourage them to do is to journal. Whether it is to simply write down how they are feeling, to document favorite memories, or to write a letter to their loved one, it is great to have a journal handy.
In addition to passing along my page dedicated to grievers where they can learn more, you can give them this “All Weather Welcome” blank lined journal. I have been told that this has been a great gift for anyone who is old enough to write, so consider giving to any child you know experiencing grief!
“How much does it cost?”
Right now it is only $7.99 on Amazon and Prime members get free shipping.
“How do I learn more?”
Check it out on Amazon!
5 - Learn more about what helps their unique situation
Every death is different and it’s important to encourage them to recognize that their loss is hard and that they shouldn’t compare it to other people’s losses. One of the guests on my show said, “The hardest loss you will ever go through is your own,” meaning that comparison doesn’t do anyone any good.
That said, it’s important that we recognize that different types of losses might stir up different emotions. Losing a child is different than a parent which is different than a pet which is different than a grandparent. And while some are more extreme than others, all are difficult.
In that same vein, cancer loss is different than a car accident which is different than a miscarriage which is different than suicide or an overdose. It’s important that we learn about what helps in each of these situations and I have lots of episodes that you can choose from that cover a wide range of topics!
6 - Be a good host
Let’s be honest - hosting a party where one of the guests has recently had a big loss can be awkward for all parties involved. I created a 3 step process that you can use to help set your next gathering with a griever up for success: Assess, Preferences, and Escape Plan (APE for short)
Assess
Ask yourself WHO you typically invite that might be grieving.
Preferences
Reach out to that person and ask them if they would prefer to have people talk about their loss with them (perhaps do a candle lighting ceremony as a group?) or would they rather people not bring it up?
Escape Plan
Tell them you want them there but they don’t have to come. Tell them that if they come, they don’t have to stay the whole time. And, most importantly, let them know you have a space set aside for them to escape to. “Escape rooms” can be a laundry room, guest room, etc. where you know other guests won’t be so they can go in there when things get too hard. Feel free to put a kleenex box and candy in there!
7 - Share songs that will help them heal
Music has a way of speaking to the heart in a way nothing else can. I have created several songs that I have played for grief groups all over the country. They are available on all major platforms and are easy, free, and effective things that you can share that pack a punch.
Here are the 3 songs I wrote that I would recommend sharing:
See Me
My Heart Still Remembers
Light a Candle for Me
If you want to do a “candle lighting ceremony” with this person, be sure to jump on my email list because you’ll get a free packet that goes with the song
Thank you for being there for your grieving loved one! I pray that my workbook, cards, music, and show is able to help you come up with some ideas that will help them.
I have some more resources that will be released soon, so if you found this valuable, please stay in touch by following me on social media and jumping on my email list!