Resources for Grievers
The world seems to move on. I get it. I lost my wonderful mother to cancer when I was 13 and, while every loss is different and comes with it’s own set of challenges, I can relate to the feelings of confusion, anger, loneliness, frustration, and deep sadness.
Whether they died 3 days ago or 30 years ago, every loss deserves to be processed!
Here are 3 steps that can help you if you find yourself ready to lean into your loss:
Step 1: Realize that you are not alone in your grief
Grief can be one of the most isolating experiences, but it doesn’t have to be.
The ‘world’ tells us to keep it to ourselves and to strong-arm our way through it. However, humans are created to be in community with each other!
It’s important to let people in. If someone offers to help, take them up on it. When they ask you how you’re doing, it’s ok to be honest and to cry. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you give them to be vulnerable, too. Your relationships will be deeper when you both can bring your honest selves to the table. I am a HUGE believer in counseling, so you should consider giving it a try!
In addition to talking to counselors / doctors, joining grief groups, check out the replays of my live show, The Healing Half! In these 30 minute shows, I have over 55 guests on the show, many of whom have lost loved ones and not only share their story, but also what helped them along their journey!
We have episodes for widowed people, child loss, parent loss, suicide loss, addiction, what to expect when you’re grieving, and more.
The “live show” has come to an end, but I will be starting up a podcast soon. Be sure to check out the first trailer episode that covers how to attend parties after you’ve lost someone you love!
Step 2: Set time aside to PROCESS!
Life is so busy and our grieving brains love to buy into the lie that being functional that we are fine.
However, healing comes in the silence, in the quiet. It is SO important that we set time aside to actually learn into our loss.
I struggled with this for almost a decade - in fact, I avoided being still because the grief would seem to finally be able to cut through the noise.
However, I found out the hard way that avoiding pausing and processing didn’t do me any favors and actually caused me to have more anxiety and pain.
In all truth, leaning into my unprocessed grief was what finally allowed me to start calming down, being less anxious, and less on the edge of tears all the time. It sounds counter-intuitive, I know, but life is so much sweeter on the other side.
Whether you journal, write your loved one a letter, or grab by workbook,* I hope you do something and that you do it often - it’s not a ‘one and done’ kind of thing!
*Free shipping on My Heart Still Remembers for Amazon Prime members
$11.99 on Amazon!
Do you like to journal? I DO! I created these blank-lined journals branded, “All Weather Welcome.” They are affordable and appropriate for all ages.
$7.99 on Amazon
*Free shipping on All Weather Welcome journals for Amazon Prime members
Step 3: Carry their memory with you
You will “see” things that remind you of your loved one everywhere.
We get to choose whether or not we want to allow ourselves to allow those ‘fingerprints’ into our lives, and I can personally say that I have found life to be much sweeter when I recognize those things vs. looking the other way.
So in addition to everything we already mentioned, consider actively allowing your past and present to flow together. When something reminds you of them, that’s the memory of them that lives inside your heart whispering, “I’m still with you.”
Will it make you emotional? Maybe. But it certainly will help you continue to process your loss and feel closer to their memory.
If you would like ways to connect with their memory while you are “on the go” or to try something new during your processing time that you have scheduled out, check out some of my songs!
“My Heart Still Remembers,” “See Me,” and “Light a Candle for Me” are 3 songs I wrote that I recommend listening to.
My heart is with you! Please know that it’s ok to not be ok - that you don’t have to have all the answers and you certainly don’t have to pretend that everything is fine.
If you want to stay in the loop for new things that I put out, please make sure we stay in touch by jumping on my email list. If you want to reach out to share your story or say hi, please don’t hesitate to email me at miki@mikispeer.com.